I was recently burrowing deep down a rabbit hole as I attempted to write a review, and I found myself discussing characters in terms of their Hogwarts houses. I wasn’t meant to be writing about Harry Potter, but (no surprises) it was far too much fun not to. How would you sort your favourite characters from other worlds?

It all started when I was flailing about Empire of Ivory, and decided that Captain Will Laurence was clearly Hufflepuff to Temeraire’s Gryffindor. The flailing is yet to see the light of day, not least because I got so distracted by this new game that I had to stop and think about some of my other favourites from recent reads…

Split Worlds

I don’t think there’s any doubt that Cathy and Sam belong in Gryffindor. They want to Change The World For The Better and their plans tend to be to charge in and worry later. I think Will Iris-Reticulata belongs in Hufflepuff for his familial loyalty and desire to keep the peace. He can plot and scheme rather well, as it turns out, but I don’t think he’s ruthless or ambitious enough for Slytherin. Max’s special circumstances make him unsortable, for now. But what about the Sorcerers?

Tremontaine

We’ve got an array of high-minded academics in Tremontaine – I don’t think there’s any doubt that Micah Heslop belongs in Ravenclaw; as, I suspect, do Rafe and his Will. As for the Duchess, surely the Sorting Hat would be swift in suggesting Slytherin for her (and surely they’d be delighted to have her if they knew what was good for them).

 

Gentleman Bastards
Okay, I expect this to be all sorts of contentious, not least because it’s tricky to fit career criminals into the largely law-abiding framework of Hogwarts. Ravenclaw would surely be glad to have any of our clever lads, but I don’t think that’s where there hearts would lie. Surely Jean’s loyalty belongs in Hufflepuff; but I suspect that Locke’s sly genius belongs in Slytherin – even with his altruistic streak.

I should probably point out that I don’t subscribe to any suggestions that Gryffindors are always good people or that Slytherins are always wicked. Gryffindors can be bullies and glory hounds; they act without thinking through the consequences, which can turn out badly for everyone. Slytherins are cunning, but they’re loyal to their own (mostly). They prize learning and love mysteries, and crucially they hate being wrong – so they’re much more likely to have a plan.

Think I’ve got it all wrong? Set me straight in the comments.

Who would you like to get into the Sorting Hat?