1) Metaphors aside, boys should never, ever, wear rose-tinted glasses.
2) Should a boy choose to do so, he shouldn’t bother trying to chat reptiles up at the bar. Amusing though it may be.
3) Megan Fox should stick to super-short shorts and low-cut tshirts.
4) Decepticon Cylons have similar sex drives to Sixes. Their infiltration skills, however, leave a lot to be desired.
5) Darth Megatron and the Emperor Fallen are about as scary as cheeseburgers.
6) Some of the most famous archaeological sites in the world aren’t where I thought they were*.
7) That Empire plot summary was about right. Transformers 2 did, in fact, just make my head hurt.

*The fact I’ve been to both the Pyramids and Petra (not in the same day) and they were exactly where I thought they’d be – crucially, nowhere near each other – is clearly a hallucination. And we’ve always been at war with Oceania, haven’t we Mr Bay? See, I’m still trying to be grown up and not just ranting furiously about the unnecessary insults to intelligence and education inflicted by Hollywood for no reason whatsoever. Just ignore the steam coming out of my ears.